rachels public musings

A Short Essay on Christmas

2010-12-24T07:28:00.000-08:00

The festive season is upon us again. Pretty Christmas lights line the boulevards of Orchard Road, the strains of carols ring in our ears and people flood the malls doing last minute Christmas shopping. It is the eve of Christmas. I have been spending much of this year writing essay after essay on all sorts of themes- from international affairs to historiography, from explaining economic models to competing in public policy challenges. These essays have been the product of excruciating and laborious work. I enjoyed writing some of them. Others I did not enjoy so much. Thus, I thought I would end the year writing an essay that would mean the most to me. Unlike other essays, this essay does not require a comprehensive bibliography. I will only use one source, which is also the foundation my entire life, faith and hope is based upon. This source is the Bible.

The story of Christmas in some sense, is also the story of my life. Historians like to say that there is always a "story" in history. I am sure every single historian reading this will have encountered the story of Christmas. But Christmas is not a mere story- and hence it cannot be reduced to a mere narrative. Christmas is the commemoration of the day Jesus Christ was born so that we can live.

Matthew 1:18-23

"18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. 19 And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. 20 But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21 She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” 22 All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet:

23 “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son,
and they shall call his name Immanuel”

(which means, God with us). 24 When Joseph woke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him: he took his wife, 25 but knew her not until she had given birth to a son. And he called his name Jesus."

The fact is, all of human kind has sinned. There is no one who is righteous before God. But God showed us His love by sending His son, Jesus Christ to die for our sins. This means that Jesus Christ was the substitute and the propitiation for our sins. Jesus Christ was rejected and crucified. He then rose again on the third day and is now sitting at the right hand of God interceding for believers every single day.

I believe the entire paragraph above with all my heart, soul and mind. It is a story of God's great love for humankind. I didn't do anything to deserve this love.

I wonder if some of you have ever suffered from a broken heart. In fact, I believe that all of us have had our hearts broken more than once. Do you remember the feeling and pain? I remember vividly a time when my heart ached profoundly, but I know that a thousand broken hearts cannot compare with the pain that God feels when his creation rejects Him. We are created beings. Forget about evolution. The God of all the Earth is King over all. He is King whether we believe it or not. Historians would call it ontology- "of being". Christ is King of Kings and Lord of Lords. This Christmas, I remember Christ as King of my life and pray with all my heart that He will be King of my life until the day that I die.

Some of you find it difficult to accept that I can believe so unequivocally. This is because I don't think its a story. This is truth. The problem with the intellectual culture of today is not one of progressiveness. It is one of cynicism and pride. Since the Renaissance, the shift towards secular knowledge has made man proud and arrogant of his capacity to acquire knowledge. The Hegelian dialectic has always been at work in history- things always change and react to one another. The problem is not the dialectic. The problem, as it always has been, is a deceitful heart. It is true that knowledge puffs up. Some of us give up seeking for a truth. Some of us simply push away the problem by accepting all kinds of falsities, which social scientists ironically term "truths" which is in itself an oxymoron. Don't be proud of your knowledge. Cling on to the only truth that can save which is revealed by God himself in the Bible. Theories are important, but at the crux of it, they are conceptualised by men. The Bible is divine revelation from God.

I often describe myself as being conservative in values, but liberal in worldview. I'm beginning to rethink my stance. If we used different frameworks for lenses, what would my lens be? This is a question that I am still asking myself. One thing for sure though- the lens from which I view the world influences my value system. They have to correlate. I hope that in my life, they do.

I was always taught that a good essay does three things: the writer tells you something once, tells you that again, and tells you what he just said.

Here we go. First, Christmas is more than a story. It is a testament to the love and grace of a just God.

Second, we can all be very intellectual, but some things never change. Don't let knowledge stand in the way of truth. Knowledge and reason are the means to truth. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There is only 1 truth. It can be found in the Bible.

Third, our value systems and our worldviews correlate. I'm still figuring this one out. Watch this space.

I wish all of you a very merry Christmas!

Respite: part 2

2010-11-24T08:33:00.000-08:00

After being slaughtered by Prof Winzoski's Horror MCQs during the finals which went like this:

1) According to Allison and Zelikow, which statement correctly identifies the Soviet's response according to the governmental politics model?

a)XX
b)YY
c)ZZ
d)All of the above
e)None of the above
f)a and b, but not c
g)a and c but not b
h)b and c but not a

It was extremely depressing.

But I had done my best, so I will be grateful for whatever the results are. To make myself feel better, I headed out for Rochor Tau Huay with Genevieve, whose charming company made my evening a much better end to a bad day.

Thought for today

2010-10-21T06:24:00.000-07:00

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/spoiled-by-the-grace-of-god

Where sin abounds with Achan at Jericho, grace abounds all the more at the defeat of Ai. And that abundant grace "spoils" the Israelites.

When God brings Israel back to Canaan to take possession of it, after being gone for 400 years in Egypt and 40 years in the wilderness, the first city they come to is Jericho. There God promises that he will give them victory: "See, I have given Jericho into your hand" (Joshua 6:2).

But there is one caveat to their destruction of Jericho:

The city and all that is within it shall be devoted to the Lord for destruction. . . Keep yourselves from the things devoted to destruction. (6:17-18)

When the day arrives and the wall falls down, the Lord is faithful to give Israel victory over Jericho, just as he promised. But the people of Israel "break faith in regard to the devoted things" (7:1). A man named Achan directly disobeys the command of the Lord and, seeing its beauty and value, takes some of the spoil from Jericho and buries it under his tent.

Initially, nobody else knows. It isn't until Israel fails at taking the next city, Ai, that they realize something must be wrong. At first, Joshua thinks God isn't carrying through with his promises—"Alas, O Lord God, why have you brought this people over the Jordan at all, to give us into the hands of the Amorites, to destroy us?" (7:7)

But God, in his mercy, points Joshua to the real cause: "Israel has sinned . . . they have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen and lied and put them among their own belongings" (7:11). Then he issues a prescription for how they can repent and find favor with him again (7:13-15), which they immediately carry out (7:16-26).

Now, you would think that Israel's bad record of greed at Jericho would make the Lord more reserved in what he gives them the next time. In our natural minds, we think the best way to prevent disobedience is to take away opportunities for it (which, coincidentally, are also opportunities for obedience). But God knows a better way.

After their repentance, God leads Israel back up to Ai with a promise just like the one he gave at Jericho, "See, I have given into your hand the king of Ai, and his people, his city, and his land" (8:1). But there's a major difference this time: no caveat. And not only no caveat. There is a positive command to do precisely what had been restricted at Jericho: "Only its spoil and its livestock you shall take as plunder for yourselves" (8:2).

So what is God's response to Israel's abuse of grace and their subsequent repentance? More grace.

Like the father of the prodigal son, God the Father of Israel does not withhold his gifts when his son repents. He doesn't treat him like one of his hired servants. He slaughters the fatted calf.

In Joshua 8, God increases his generosity to a repentant Israel, giving them the thing they were really seeking when they resorted to disobedience in the first place. He gives them the spoil.

Take heart, then, fellow sinner. Where you have sought fulfillment outside of the will of God, repent. knowing that he who poured out such abundant grace on Israel will also pour it out on you who have become his child through Jesus Christ.

From John Piper- Hallejuah, what a Saviour!

October

2010-10-14T12:44:00.000-07:00

It is fall in Europe, and the leaves are turning auburn in varying shades. Soon it will be winter, and there will be snow.

In Singapore, October is one of the worst months for a university student. I can barely keep up. So many assignments and essays due! Must ask for more grace everyday.

But then December will come, and the rest (and holidays!) will be sweet, because rest is only sweet when you have worked hard.

I am really looking forward to my holiday in Hong Kong...

Learning to be content in all things

2010-10-11T09:12:00.000-07:00

Contentment is an attitude of the heart, and the practice of submitting and being rested in God's continual daily grace.

It is worth striving for for "godliness with contentment is great gain". 2 Tim 6.6

So, its good that God lets me fail at times, so that I will remember to trust in Him and not on my own strength...

Mohler answers some of today's most pressing questions

2010-10-05T20:12:00.000-07:00

http://www.albertmohler.com/2010/10/04/between-the-boy-and-the-bridge-a-haunting-question/

If you have some time, I highly recommend this

Tag der Deutschen Einheit- German Day of Unity Reception at One-Altitutde

2010-10-04T07:56:00.001-07:00

I was invited, courtesy of the German Embassy to attend their celebration of the 20th anniversary of German reunification.

It was held at One- Altitude, a high sky roof top bar in the heart of the city, with an overarching, awesome view of the city skyline. Singapore's skyline is really beautiful and impressive! I will try to desribe it to you first in order to whet your appetite for the real photos. First your eye takes in the immense horizon, and then you are awed by the lights glimmering. The lights arent all the same, they are of different hues. Try to picture it in your mind. The you start to focos on the small buildings, and you identify the padang, Marina bay sands, fullerton hotel. Then you marvel at how the architecture seems so seamless and so urban. You look at it for a long time in order to sear it into your memory, because you know that your memory will fade and your camera phone will do no justice to it. I took some photos with my lousy camera phone and will upload them when I go home for the weekend, because my phone cable is at home.

I listened to the two speeces, and then proceeded to the lounge to sample the food. After all, this was the highlight of the evening, ain't it? At least to me! I ate the bratwurst, pretzels, kartoffel salat, had half a glass of paulaner and then headed for the dessert table. The food was pretty good! Then I proceeded to the lounge downstairs beacuse the roof top was getting too crowded and met my friends! After the necessary niceties and meeting the people i had to meet, I finally had the chance to thank the person who made this all possible. Thank you!

It was a very nice evening because although I had to make small talk, I had some good conversations with people who will not only remain acquaintances, but will be long term friends. And although I have kind of reached my party quota for October, I could not help but agree to go to a Schumann Lied night- A classical music art song night! This means that I will have to start intensively writing papers every single waking moment that I am not in church, in school, or sleeping.

But then again, i wouldn't trade places for anything in this world!

4 tips to writing a good paper

2010-10-03T07:27:00.000-07:00

I decided to abandon the French intellectuals this weekend, and I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of my weekend- I slept well, I ate well, and I enjoyed all the luxuries my home could offer.

I experimented with sandwich making and came up with two super recipes! Try focaccia with Bulgogi. The Bulgogi must be well marinated and grilled to juicy perfection. Second, try focaccia with freshly cut salami and a mix of white and red chedder. The smell emanating from the oven when the chedder melts and the salami cooks is enough to whet your appetite and you will not be able to resist looking into the oven every five minutes. But wait, because when the focaccia is toasted to a crisp, the mingling of the herbs, savouriness of the salami and the cheese will make it all worth it. Try it! I'm sorry i ate everything up before I could post photos.

Anyway, the 4 tips to write a good paper are- Read, React, (w)Rite and Refine. You wouldn't need a Mensa membership to know this. You just have to start your paper and apply the rules! Its easier said than done though.

I always feel uneasy if I have not read something and hence I chanced upon an article relating to the author of my choice- Gertrude Himmelfarb. The article criticised Himmelfarb in a very subtle way for being conservative and I thought to myself- Is this an age where we live in that conservatism no longer has merit, but is attacked for being "uninclusive' and intellectually snobbish?

I argue categorically that conservatism has its merits. By making this proposition, I am in no way implying the opposite- that liberalism has no merit. However, the main thrust of conservatism that resonates with me is that there is a historical truth that exists. In secular history, it is impossible for any historian to arrive at the historcal truth because his knowledge will always be imperfect. However, in order to be faithful in representation, one has to believe that a historical truth exists, and thus will spare no effort in researching all the facts in order to come close to this truth. Those that believe that truth only exists in inverted commas are no doubt convinced of their superior intellectual position which is backed up by renowned thinkers such as Foucault and Derrida, but the complexity of their arguments is in no way evidence that a historical truth does not exist.

The truth is, and I say it unashamedly, that Himmelfarb comes close to hitting the nail on the head. And it is with a painful hammer that she does it- Himmelfarb argues that "new history" has made facts indeterminate. Reading text as narrative and employing literary tools to deconstruct a text implies that the reader is as important as the author in intepretation. Hence, since facts are indeterminate, and the reader is free to come to his independent conclusion whatever the author meant in the first place because there is no authorial auhority, the historian is privy to a range of historical possibilities. Historical imagination- which is lauded in the post modernist world lends the study of history a danger- historical truth constrains the reader to seek meaning from facts, but historical imagination allows the reader to question the validity of the facts, and hence draw an entirely different conclusion that is EQUALLY authoritative and relevant, but WITHOUT evidence of facts, and possibly from his own imagination.

I will be condemned as a snooty, elitist, conservative without any intellectual freedom. Some will call me a fool. But I heard someone say two days ago that "but if you consider me a fool, it is just another jewel in my crown". It is a slippery slope of post modernism that must be guarded against. Make no mistkae- post modernism is not simply an intellectual argument. It is a world view that influences the way one conceptualises the world. To live in a world where truth is non existent is a dangerous thing. I am glad to be called a fool, and believe in a truth that is real in my life than to succumb to the laurel of being inclusive and deny that there is no truth- and by implication deny that the bible is not authoritative.

Now, I need the courage to write it all down and prepare to have my paper torn apart...

Bogged down by lack of inspiration- among other things

2010-09-30T08:34:00.001-07:00

This is going to be short and boring- you have been warned.

I have been deliberating over my historiography paper for a week but the best I can do is a few run of the mill responses that are cliched and uninteresting. I have been seeking my lost muse- it used to be Brahms, but maybe Ravel will do the trick this time!

Among other things- my only recourse is to pray- and of course blog.

I came up with a new maxim- Blogging is the new form of catharsis. Get a blogspot account now.

For my three students- Read this please

2010-09-29T20:20:00.001-07:00

To my three beloved students,

In our education system, we are fixated on getting all our A's. By no means am I judging you, because I am also guilty of the same charge. But far more important is the fact that you have learnt something in every Saturday morning that you sit at the black table in my house, and trading that Saturday morning for something more interesting like mousehount on facebook has served you well.

Here is an excerpt from Alfian Sa'at's "tips on how to write your sec 1 composition". He has expressed my every thought far more eloquently than I could have done myself.

By Alfian Sa'at

"Don’t write zephyr when you mean wind. Don’t write fart when you mean break wind. Don’t write azure to describe the sky or the sea. Don’t write menacing to describe clouds or guard dogs. Don’t write plethora when you mean many. Don’t write altercation when you mean fight. Don’t write quixotic when you mean brave.

Don’ t use your finger to try achieving equal spacing between your words. Don’t be demoralized by the hidden word fool in foolscap paper. Don’t use more than three dots when you want to write your ellipses, it doesn’t mean that the more dots there are the more mysterious your sentence, nor does it mean that each dot is equivalent to the root of every hair follicle you expect to incite to horripilation. Don’t write horripilation when you mean standing on end.

Don’t make your ellipses rise and fall like the flight path of a butterfly. Don’t use three apostrophes as a quotation mark even if what is said was told by a friend of a friend. Don’t forget to use commas even if you have set the class record for holding your breath underwater.

Don’t write Suddenly at the beginning of your sentences when you want to introduce one surprise after another. Don’t write the full moon/the creaking door/the cobwebbed room/his bloodshot eyes/her cackling laugh in your horror story. Don’t write horror stories.

Don’t end with I woke up and it was all a dream. Don’t end with lying in a pool of blood your eyes growing heavy footsteps fading, which is the same thing.

Don’t write sleepy when you mean tuition. Don’t write fear when you mean forgetting to bring your PE attire to school. Don’t write jealous when you mean mummy has brought home a new baby. Don’t write longing when you mean daddy has not come home from work and you are counting the cars in the car park from the window. Don’t write loss when you mean the smell of the batik hammock stretched between mummy’s knees. Don’t write shame when you mean daddy heading straight for the bargain bin when he buys you your first pair of track shoes. Don’t write loneliness when you mean the woolly crayon scrawling in an alphabet book you once owned.

Don’t write about the saddest day of your life, unless you are able to dapple your sheet of paper with tearstains, as proof.

Don’t write about the happiest day of your life, even if this is the assigned topic, because it is possible that the experience exceeds language, your language. Don’t believe those who say write what you know, the more important thing now is to write what you have, so choose a day when you were moderately, not indescribably, happy.

Don’t assume however that your life means only the one that others have witnessed, and not the lives you have lived in your head. Don’t hesitate then to write about the hundred-balloon birthday party/the beach picnic where you swam to the horizon and touched it and swam back/the suicidal goldfish revived by water/the first prize, although it would be more convincing to the marker to say second prize, because there might be one more deserving of being first, but you are no less deserving of the happiness you feel by coming in second.

Don’t keep choosing to write the argumentative essay, again and again, unless you are certain that one day you will write fiction and find your freedom ignoring the tips above, again and again."

Apart from remembering these tips- remember that what is expected of you is only your best. Study hard. Go into the exam hall knowing that there is not another thing you could have done to score an extra mark- and whatever the results are, give glory to God.

And of course, after the exam, I look forward to introducing you to some of the Man Booker Prize winners, and perhaps we can finally catch Mao's last dancer.

Rachel

Something stronger than Glee

2010-09-27T09:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhN0RRlLhDg&feature=related

Because Ravel is the man!

All good things must come to an end

2010-09-26T08:38:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me how I spent recess- 3 words- I lived life!

My life is 100% work and 100% play. I don't really understand concepts like work-life balance because I think that life is too short to compartmentalise into what you love and what you do out of compulsion. God gave us every good thing to enjoy to His glory, why should i not make full use of my life on this earth?

But all good things must come to an end- But also, what you sow, you will reap. Its worth fighting a little more just so that you could say you did your best no matter what the outcome, isn't it?

Plus this recess week I've seen a model of what I want my dream house to be, nothing ostentatious like a villa in Sentosa Cove, but a place that is mine, with shelves lined floor to wall with books, paintings and nice antique windows. I've been introduced to a painter whose work, upon first sight was so impressive I was thinking about it the entire weekend. I had a great German dinner with many good friends. I spent a weekend afternoon having a barbeque by the beach with my BASICS after being encouraged and refreshed by the sharing of experienced teachers whose love for teaching and for God encourages me to model after.

And, I received a wedding invitation in the mail today. Congratulations, Jeff and Minju!

Moments that take your breath away

2010-09-24T09:11:00.000-07:00

There are some moments in life that take your breath away. These don't come by very often, but when they do, I am just swept off my feet.

I was invited, courtesy of Jeff Khoo and his lovely wife Minju, to their very quaint and cosy shophouse for canapes and Chilean Red this evening. I stepped into another world, where postmodernism, historiography and British Prime Ministers disappeared,and I met someone that took my breath away.

Now before you start imagining things- I was introduced to this artist named Wu Guanzhong who paints some of the most exquisite artpieces. Here are some examples.

http://www.polypm.com.cn/english/cmt_detail.php?nid=17

Yesterday, I spent another lovely evening with the motley crew at Brotzeit.

http://www.brotzeit1516.com/

We started with a Schwarzer. For hors d'oevres, we had hendlbrust and rostkartoffeln to share, followed by Wiener Schnitzel. Becuase it was communal and we were hungry, we decided to have more by ordering some Hendelbratwurst and Pommes (french fries). For dessert we had the Schokokuchen mit Eis and the Schwarzwalderkirschtorte. It was a very unique torte, it was black forest cake deconstructed!

The evening ended with coffee and conversation.

Now you all know why I have a gym membership.

Thinking today

2010-09-20T22:42:00.001-07:00

One of my favourite quotes

"Don't tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass" Anton Chekov.

One day I will do so.

Recess Week

2010-09-20T07:31:00.000-07:00

I know it must be really boring to read about a blow by blow account of a day in my life, but today it is the first day of recess week, and my self declared holiday.

So I woke up late, dressed, and went to town to have lunch with S,C and A. It was very nice seeing all of them again but it was a pity that it was rather short as some of them had to go for a meeting. But I enjoyed myself. I hope they did too. S is my ten year series on the civil service. Every round of interview/test/etc, I will have lunch with her because she is brilliant and will teach me lots of things. And the best thing is, she is nice enough to do so. I think I am very blessed to meet all these people in my life.

Yet I do know Rom 8:28- I can only strive to do my best, and I leave the rest to my Master because he knows what is best for me...

Then it started raining slightly so my plan for having Koi Bubble Tea in Chinatown was foiled. But I had a Plan B, so I too the train to Illuma to get my first taste of Koi Hazelnut Bubble Tea. It was very good! It tasted like melted ice cream. I didn't even queue very long, but it was a good cup of tea. I knew it was going to be a good day.

Then I went browsing at the bookstore. Nothing much caught my eye because I read an achingly beautiful Murakami the weekend. I wanted to get this book by one of the nominated authors for the Man Booker Prize this year, but I didn't see it. And I wanted to buy my own copy of Foreign Affairs, but I decided to save money and print it out from Jstor instead.

So in the end I didn't buy anything, and I found out that there was no concert tonight after all, so I went home. On the way home, I bought my dad's birthday gift. I think he liked it, at least I hope he did. Then I went to meet my aunt to help her choose her guitar. Pretty nice.

When I got home, I still was not tired and my brain was still in overdrive. I guess its the effect of not having to do anything academic the entire day, but I felt so uneasy! I read an article from the American Historical review on Postmodernism though, so I didn't waste the entire day away. But I have to start sowing tomorrow, before I can reap, I figured I better enjoy my day off. I gave myself a day off because the entire weekend, I was writing a paper for the PPC. So I was pretty well rested today.

So because I was not tired, I decided to go to the gym. Simply because I was not tired. So I did my usual routine at the gym and came back to watch some tv. But there was nothing good on TV, so I decided to practice my piano instead. But I was appalled at hitting so many wrong notes after not really practicing for so long, so I spent some time really practicing.

OK, i know this post is really boring. Definitely not a Man Booker Prize submission. But even so, I learned something over lunch today. I am still turning the idea about in my head. It has potential to be a full fledged post.

Murakami

2010-09-18T08:45:00.000-07:00

This is no way represents my stance on relationships, since I believe that values are prime, not feelings according to the design outlined by God in the bible, when when I read this piece by Murakami yesterday, I was taken once again by how beautiful this piece is.

Haruki Murakami: On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning

One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo's fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.

Tell you the truth, she's not that good-looking. She doesn't stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn't young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a "girl," properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She's the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there's a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.

Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl - one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers, or you're drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal. I have my own preferences, of course. Sometimes in a restaurant I'll catch myself staring at the girl at the next table to mine because I like the shape of her nose.

But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some preconceived type. Much as I like noses, I can't recall the shape of hers - or even if she had one. All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty. It's weird.

"Yesterday on the street I passed the 100% girl," I tell someone.

"Yeah?" he says. "Good-looking?"

"Not really."

"Your favorite type, then?"

"I don't know. I can't seem to remember anything about her - the shape of her eyes or the size of her breasts."

"Strange."

"Yeah. Strange."

"So anyhow," he says, already bored, "what did you do? Talk to her? Follow her?"

"Nah. Just passed her on the street."

She's walking east to west, and I west to east. It's a really nice April morning.

Wish I could talk to her. Half an hour would be plenty: just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and - what I'd really like to do - explain to her the complexities of fate that have led to our passing each other on a side street in Harajuku on a beautiful April morning in 1981. This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock build when peace filled the world.

After talking, we'd have lunch somewhere, maybe see a Woody Allen movie, stop by a hotel bar for cocktails. With any kind of luck, we might end up in bed.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.

Now the distance between us has narrowed to fifteen yards.

How can I approach her? What should I say?

"Good morning, miss. Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?"

Ridiculous. I'd sound like an insurance salesman.

"Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there is an all-night cleaners in the neighborhood?"

No, this is just as ridiculous. I'm not carrying any laundry, for one thing. Who's going to buy a line like that?

Maybe the simple truth would do. "Good morning. You are the 100% perfect girl for me."

No, she wouldn't believe it. Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me. Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you're not the 100% boy for me. It could happen. And if I found myself in that situation, I'd probably go to pieces. I'd never recover from the shock. I'm thirty-two, and that's what growing older is all about.

We pass in front of a flower shop. A small, warm air mass touches my skin. The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses. I can't bring myself to speak to her. She wears a white sweater, and in her right hand she holds a crisp white envelope lacking only a stamp. So: She's written somebody a letter, maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy look in her eyes. The envelope could contain every secret she's ever had.

I take a few more strides and turn: She's lost in the crowd.

Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical.

Oh, well. It would have started "Once upon a time" and ended "A sad story, don't you think?"

Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened.

One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.

"This is amazing," he said. "I've been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you're the 100% perfect girl for me."

"And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I'd pictured you in every detail. It's like a dream."

They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It's a miracle, a cosmic miracle.

As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?

And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, "Let's test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other's 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we'll marry then and there. What do you think?"

"Yes," she said, "that is exactly what we should do."

And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west.

The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other's 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.

One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season's terrible inluenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D. H. Lawrence's piggy bank.

They were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery letter at the post office. Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.

Time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two, the girl thirty.

One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west, but along the same narrow street in the Harajuku neighborhood of Tokyo. They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew:

She is the 100% perfect girl for me.

He is the 100% perfect boy for me.

But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fouteen years earlier. Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever.

A sad story, don't you think?

Yes, that's it, that is what I should have said to her.

Reproduced from: http://www.mat.upm.es/~jcm/murakami-perfect.html

I am a converted Murakami fan.

In the thick of things

2010-09-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I haven't been here for a while, but as usual, I have been very occupied the last few weeks.

Here are some photos from German Day: It was a blast! Congratulations to all those who won 50 000 Euros (albeit in a shredded form)and to all the people who sang. Of course to all those who won prizes for the photo competition as well.

Here are some pictures of German Day

http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=55673284001&ref=ts

Meanwhile, I was just reading Ben's blog about his life in Sweden and he blogged about a tutorial he had. So apparently, the Europeans were debating about democracy, what is a democracy and all those arguments along those lines. Ben argued that democracy was in actual fact, good governance, based on deliverables such as clean water, good standard of living etc, a la Tommy Koh, and other like minded intellectuals.

I was reminded then, and at this point of my life that sometimes, a lesson can be drawn from a simple debate about democracy. Those who have the luxury of having it all already, (such as those European countries) can of course, plead values and freedom of speech and rights. Thats because in the first place, they did not have to worry about the basic essentials. However, when it comes down to the crunch, reality dictates that a good and true form of democracy (i.e good governance) inhererntly provides the basic public goods and services for the people.

Superimpose this same concept into real life. When I was 17, I had big dreams of getting a fancy education, doing my Masters degree at some Ivy League or top UK university, and living the high intellecutal bohemian life in some far flung corner of the earth where I would be free of responsibilities.

Fast forward 5 years later, where I am now, and all I am concerned about is getting a good job with a good pay, so that I can put food on the table. The harsh realities of life set in, and you no longer consider the "values" or more realistically, the "fancies" of youth, but rather begin to grasp the concrete nature of the world out there that is far removed from any intellectual bohemian lifestyle. I am grateful that I have at least a job offer that guarantees that I can contribute to my family's income, and one that is exciting enough for me to look forward to going to work, although the going will be tough.

Someone told me that when I enter the workforce, I would have to "leave my ideals at the door".

My good friend told me over lunch on Monday that one reason why she cannot survive in this envrironment is because she cannot merely leave her ideals at the door, because she has to "keep them in her heart".

My response: Be a pragmatic idealist, leave them at the door long enough for you to accomplish what you have to do (i.e get a job, support yourself), but keep the memory of youth etched in you heart, so that when you finally have some form of independence to do what you like, you can have the means to chase your dreams. You can leave your dreams at the door for a time, but what will keep you going is the knowledge and hope that you will someday come back for them.

I have to try much harder

2010-09-05T08:41:00.000-07:00

I promise,that there was once this right time where infitesimal seconds felt like eternity. There are infitesimal seconds in my memory that I wish would disappear for eternity.

Imagine a world where brains are hard drives, and where information would readily disappear with the click of a button. And amended. And stored away when the data bank was full.

When it comes to a point where I even have to be careful about what I remember, I am gladly lost in the whirlwind of activity that engage my cognitive functions to no end.

Here's to tomorrow. Forget yesterday.

This is why music exists

2010-09-04T07:13:00.000-07:00

Its a Saturday, and I am back home! It's so nice to be able to sleep on a soft bed with air con, with the fridge 5 steps away and the mall across the road. Its nice to open my cupboard and find my clothes freshly ironed. Its nice to have fast internet access. This is the luxury of home that I used to take for granted!

Because I seldom blog about my daily routine here, I shall let all my unknown-to-me readers know that I have moved into a room at PGP, NUS. It is not exactly a resort, but i am not complaining. It will do for this semester.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RM9DPfp7-Ck&feature=rec-LGOUT-exp_stronger_r2-2r-3-HM

I was just listening to Yo Yo Ma's version of the Elgar Cello Concerto (which is my favourite). It is played with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra and conducted by Daniel Barenboim. My all time favourite version is the one Du Pre played with Barenboim conduting as well. At that time, Du Pre and Barenboim were husband and wife, so that chemistry was simply amazing!

But this version caught my attention too. For all my non-music readers out there, you might just want to skip reading this post. It is going to be a little technical, and frankly might be very boring to you. I promise my next post will be more interesting.

Notice how Yo Yo Ma is partly whimsical in this version. Yet there are some parts that just make you close your eyes and think about all the philosophical questions in life. And there are parts, especially when he goes up to the high E/G that are simply etheral, and there are parts that make your heart wrench.

It is unlike Du pre's version. Du Pre's version is darker and more intense, but does not have his varied palatte of emotion and colour. But it is much more passionate.

Watch Yo Yo Ma from 7:04, when the orchestra comes in with the theme. And be prepared to be amazed at 7:25-7:26- There was something in my heart that resonated with that downbow.

Festen Mut in schwerem Leiden

2010-09-03T09:47:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqtZ_c3cyhE

Es ist einfach wunderbar!

One Year Ago

2010-08-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

A year ago, I was greeted by this view every time I looked out of the classroom window. My jogging route consisted of running along three bridges with a view of the stretching vistas of river and valleys, past infinity. My culinary exploits in the kitchen and house parties were daily and weekly affairs, respectively. I stood on the grounds of history, looking down at cobblestoned streets and relishing the freedom of being untethered to a bell curve, and learning purely for its own sake.

The point is, chances like this come once in a lifetime. For me, it was a gift from God.

Here's to one of the best seasons of my life.

Ruminations on the theme of the sweetest sentiment known to man

2010-08-27T10:16:00.000-07:00

One of my favourite Christian intellectuals, Albert Mohler, stresses the importance of permanance before experience: That two people have to be committed to each other FIRST before any chance of a relationship working. This is in direct contrast to what is happening in this day and age- that self comes first, and personal pleasure and enjoyment prized before selfless love.

Is it any wonder, that I now read the newspapers and see alarming statistics about the institution of marriage, and hear sad stories about broken hearts and climbing divorce rates?

Perhaps the answer is simple: That we have so far departed from the wisdom and intention of our Creator that we treat what is sacrosanct, perfect and sacred as a means of fulfilling selfish motives and to assuauge emotional needs, with no concern for the fact that such a tie is first of all, PERMANANT and second, BINDING.

There is true wisdom in permanence before experience.

gleich wie die Sonnenlicht, dunkel wie die Nacht

2010-08-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

If I counted in musical time
seconds delineated in quavers and minutes in crotchets
Time would creep
but at the culmination of the symphony
The echos remain
In chambers designed to hold back their fading away
A mirror of how I would like to remember

Life is full of paradoxes, but the one that eludes me is how man struggles to remember, and yet forget at the same time.

Some gripping insights from Albert Mohler today

2010-08-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

One of my favourite writers, Albert Mohler said this,
" Do not trust your eyes, because they will always lie to you".

My eyes have lied to me before, and I am desperately trying to fight off the consequences of that folly.

The “sickness and in health” of conventional marriage is not so much a sexual as a moral tie; where there is a chosen one above all others, a mutually caring unit is established and stability is promoted above caprice.

Sometimes I wonder where the moral framework of a marriage has gone, and i'm not even married yet. For "stability to be promoted above caprice" the fundemental view that marriage is more than a business transaction must be taken, and the frivolousness of flings discarded. Perhaps that will guard many broken hearts.

Iced Hazelnut Coffee: A sure way to get through the night

2010-08-12T08:20:00.001-07:00

I look at my calendar for the next few weeks and think I will be very lucky to get home before 10 pm on a single day. And yet, when I get home after such a long day, I toss and turn and am unable to sleep. I think its not the lattes.

Maybe thats a good thing, so that I will be able to get through the million pages of readings that I am already crushed under...so much theory to get through, so many things to think through.

But I look at myself in the light of where God has placed me and consider myself already extremely blessed to be able to study without any worries. I must not waste any opportunities!

like an iphone on loop

2010-08-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

I think I need to find some more things to keep myself busy ( Which i already am! 6 modules, heading the German Society, German day, music classes, meeting up with all my friends who are coming back/leaving) because something which I desperately do not want to think about is going playing back through my mind like an ipod on LOOP. And before I get irrevocably hooked, I need to stop.

Back from summer break!

2010-08-06T06:10:00.001-07:00

I am back from Siem Reap, and after having seen the poverty there, am grateful for all that I have. No more wasting of opportunities any more..I will be back with a longer update=)

Thank you for all the birthday wishes

2010-07-29T07:03:00.000-07:00

I celebrated the 22nd year of my life today, and I give thanks to God for keeping me all these years.

I distinctly remember last year's birthday bash at my place in Heidelberg, Germany. Despite the absence of my family, my "family" was there, the precious friends I met in Heidelberg celebrated the 21st year of my life with me. What is most touching, is that all of these friends wished me today, sealing our friendship in a memory that lasts far longer than the presents they gave me last year. And again, I am truly grateful.

The old remembered, and so did the new! The new friends I made this year over the summer at MFA and MND contributed to my joy by wishing me happy birthday. Every single one of them came into my life not by chance, and have left their mark in some way or another. Some of them will continue to remain steadfast friends, some relationships will fade, as they naturally do, but I am yet grateful that our paths have crossed and my life has been impacted in some way by this meeting.

This year has been an outstanding year. I have had blessing after blessing heaped upon me, in direct contrast to my failures in 2007. Everything went wrong in 2007, I was rejected for my MFA scholarship, I secured a place at my dream university in london but did not manage to go, I failed in all my interviews. I didnt know what went wrong. All I knew was that I had a faithful God in spite of all these circumstances, and God has proved and given me far more than I deserve. He gave me an MFA internship and job, He put me on the dean's list when I thought there was no longer any hope. More than that, He showed me that there is no good that He would withold from me.

Just last week I wrote my testimony once again. I want to be a witness to Christ's grace and mercy in my life, and how He redeemed a sinner like me. I have lived 22 years, and do not know how many more days I live. I only hope that the remainder of my days will be well lived=)

Once again, thank you for all the well wishes from all over the world!

On nothing much in Particular

2010-07-27T01:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I receieved the letter which I had already long given up hope for: I thought I wouldn't make it this semester, but I made it in the end! God is always so gracious to me- every time I meet with a setback, He shows me that He alone is faithful.

The euphoria lasted 10 minutes and then reality sunk in that I'd have to work extremely hard in 12 days time, when summer is over. Not that I mind hard work, but going back to getting up at 7am will require a tremendous amount of self discipline.

On a separate note, if you read Tommy Koh and this professor called Linda's exchange in the Strait's Times Review yesterday, it becomes more apparent than ever the schism between academia and reality. A set of 4 exchanges on the global financial crisis was published. Tommy Koh argued that this crisis stemmed from the Americans propensity to spend more than they saved, the wall street bankers greed and the fact that American trade policy was driven by domestic agendas that led to the current situation right now.

If you have the chance, read it. It is very enlightening.

simple things

2010-07-11T06:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, pure pleasure is chancing upon a good book or movie that makes your heart skip a little faster, where you just know that this is it. Add into the mixture the full view of Marina Bay, with the strains of Chopin's Ballade in G Minor through the glass doors of the practice room at the Esplanade Library, and you've got me.

I've also had the unprecedented pleasure this weekend of ploughing through 3 books AND catching one concert, and started my Friday night proper with some of my favourite people at bedok 85.

I don't think I could really, ask for more.

Endlich ist es das Wochenende

2010-07-09T10:08:00.000-07:00

Endlich ist es das Wochednende!

I am so glad the weekend is here. I am definitely looking forward to seeing an old friend play at a concert at the Esplanade tomorrow!

Not many philosophical thoughts today, but today I read Daniel's prayer. He was one patient man who waited for 70 years for his prayers to be answered...I hope I even have the patience to wait half that time.

A Day in the Life of...

2010-07-06T06:34:00.000-07:00

There are some days when I cannot bear to look at another word document. There are some days where I sit down, pray, sigh and beg for more strength. Yet these days are few.

Today, I got up with vigour (thank God for grace) and proceeded to end a chapter of my life. But with every end comes a beginning, and I can only look forward to better things ahead.

When I was at Amoy street having lunch today, I looked a little more closely than I would normally have. What I saw was a mass of humanity with harried faces, and I tried to remember what it felt like to have long extended barbecues by the river, or the luxury of taking a long bike ride to the next town with great company and the wind blowing in your face.

I swore previously that I would never be a cog in the wheel, but today, when I looked in the mirror, I could not help but see some of them in myself, and I could scarcely believe that this could happen to me in 2 years- That i would be an unthinking, unhappy, harried drone in a world turning so fast there is scarcely any time to breathe.

But then again I remind myself that whereever I am placed, there is a higher reason not known to me, but fully known to the Creator himself. And I would do well to remember to do my best to serve ONE master, and thoroughly enjoy my work as well. I have had the privilege of working under wonderful people who have both inspired and challenged me. What does the future hold?

Really inspiring: By the author of the Teenage Textbook

2010-07-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

Pour toi

2010-05-30T08:48:00.000-07:00

Time and space
encompassed in a frame of
a 160 characters.
Was that enough for me?
A litany of emotion
Akin to Chaucer and Rousseau
In a micro chip the the size of a 10 cent coin
Memories easily deleted
but seared into my heart.

Perhaps you had forgotten your promises
Not intended frivolousness
but not unintended purposefulness
these too
were kept in my heart in anticiation
But unfufilled
One by one the passing days
hope flew by
leaving a kernel of longing
that one day you would see me
as I saw you.

You were inscrutable as ever
Aloof and reticient innature
only allowing a glimmer of what you really felt
to be seen in 160 characters
enough to steal my heart.

I am now taking back my heart
snipping off the cords that bind it to yorus
to guard it for some one else.

Please God, help me.

Grateful for the small pleasures in life

2010-05-08T09:41:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to remember how to live after my exams and made up for the semester by catching three marvelous shows the past 3 nights. First it was Mao's last dancer, followed by Animal Farm by Wild Rice and finally the Rachmaninoff concert today.

All three were amazing. Mao's last dancer was a tale infused with a sensitivity not only to history, but was really effective in capturing the emotions of the audience. The perennial struggle of individual freedom over the collective good, something that reminded me that fighting for a just cause is sometimes more worth it than being apathetic. I cried.

Animal Farm by Wild Rice reawakened me to just how good theatre in Singapore could be. It was hilarious, with the subtleties of Singapore society (what else would one expect from the resident playwright of Wild Rice)infused into the dialogues and repartee. Pam Oei was a veritable tornado as squealer and outdid herself. Yeo Yann Yann was amazing, expressing herself mostly through her luminous eyes, rather than physical movements. Lim Yu Beng was a little bit of a disappointment, but I didn't know he sang so well!overall very well done, and reminded me that i had to support the artists in their next few plays, especially since their funding was cut, because their values were not in line with the government's core values. Now what does that mean?

Rachmaninoff was great because of the conductor. The SSO was in good form, and pulled off a mighty Shostakovich. And of course, meeting up with my favourite teacher from TJ (whom I bumped into) is always a treat. She has been a great influence in my life and I will never forget what she has done for me...over and beyond her capacity as a teacher and a friend.

sigh. If only every day was like that. But I am already so grateful to God for the small pleasures he has given me to enjoy....

2010-01-20T07:10:00.000-08:00

滴不盡相思血淚拋紅豆；
開不完春柳春花滿畫樓。
睡不穩，紗窗風雨黃昏後；
忘不了，新愁與舊愁。

嚥不下玉粒金樽噎滿喉
照不見菱花鏡裡形容瘦
展不開的眉頭挨不明的更漏
恰便似遮不住的青山隱隱
流不斷的綠水悠悠

今日一曲相思紅豆
不為你們那個消瘦
年少輕狂為你譜的新愁
他日你們還記的否

癡情笑我
愛強說愁
驀然回首
春華已過
才子佳人神話代代依舊
菱花鏡裡白了多少少年頭

A translation of the first stanza

Like drops of blood fall endless tears of longing
By the painted pavilion grow willows and flowers
Sleepless at night when the wind and rain lash at the gauze windows
unable to forget the sorrows new and old

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sxt1m6wguoA

I'm hooked by the poetry of the words, and it is simply cathartic.

On Learning

2010-01-17T06:25:00.000-08:00

I think my views on learning have largely changed bit by bit through the years. I admit: I am a product of the Singaporean education system and have been through every step of the rigorous thing we call a "good education" in Singapore. I also acknowledge that it is this education system that has brought me to where i am today, ensuring that even if I do not lead a life of luxury, I will at least lead one of comfort.

But then something within me wishes to inculcate in my students (tuition students) that learning is not a means to an end, it is something rather to be enjoyed. And in this vein, one cannot enjoy something unless one LIKES something. It is akin to asking an ANGMOH to eat durians. They cannot enjoy the taste of durians unless they like it. It also pulls at my heartstrings when they have been taught to be fixated on success so that they will be happy in the future, because they will have a secure life. That is what I was taught. But increasingly, I have begun to realise that if interest and passion drives learning, it can be a so much more enjoyable process.

The concept of happiness in Singapore is intrinsically tied to monetary value. We peg happiness and rank it on a scale, just like we do universities. Sadly, one comes to realise that things do not work this way at all. Herein lies the struggle: To do what you like and lose out, or to do what you do not like and gain? My answer today is very different from what it was 5 years ago, when I was a JC student. I say today: Do what you are interested in and are gifted in. Perhaps sometimes, I need to take my own advice.

Teaching has never been considered a particularly illustrious profession in Singapore. Teaching is associated with long hours, stress, naughty kids and the catchphrase of MOE, " Moulding the future of our nation" has almost become a euphemism. It is said with derision, not with sincerity. How did we come to this stage? Right now, although I am only a tutor of 5 kids, I am able to see how it is so important to be able to say with conviction that learning is not only a means to some form of material security in the future. Far more important is how it shapes one's worldview and how a person discovers what he/she loves through this process.

Let me illustrate this with an example. I have been learning a third language for 3 years now, and though I have been toying with the idea of furthering this study to a much more advanced level so that I will be equipped to teach it as a foreign language, I reconsider my decisions because I am pragmatic at heart. However, I have enjoyed the learning process every single step of the way. I did not only acquire a third language, I acquired a new way of thinking, and actually discovered that I do actually love linguistics and learning new languages. I consider that already extremely precious.

i am Singaporean by nationality, but I think that increasingly, I am no longer Singaporean in thinking.

First post of 2010!

2010-01-12T06:17:00.000-08:00

Well I thought of reviving this blog because I wanted to write down my QT lessons, and blogs are one of the most enduring ways of storing information. I read my old secondary school blog and was astounded (and appalled) at what I wrote.

Well recently I have been thinking about something that my Pastor shared with us during bible study. We are currently doing a bible study on Exodus, and we learnt how God tested the Israelites in Exodus 16 and 17. I learnt 2 things from it

1) God gives us trials to reveal our own hearts to us

Why did God have to give Israel the trial? So that Israel would fail? God must have surely known whether they would fail the test. But He wanted also to reveal their own hearts to them. As I grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ, I am increasingly beginning to see how God uses certain things in my life to reveal to me what exactly my sins are. And when I fail twice, I know that I have not learnt the lessons well..just like the Israelites. But I will strive to consider the trials "pure joy"..because the testing produces perseverence. God DOES know the best, even when I think I know what is best for myself..God knows better.

2)The correct response to accusations: To cry out to God, as Moses did

I wonder sometimes if I had just cried out to God, whether things would have gone better instead of just taking it into my own hands. Being a rather decisive and impatient person (which God has kindly revealed to me) I tend to do first then pray. But that was the wrong order...I should have asked God first, and then did. I know things would certainly have turned out better..

Well because I'm doing a advanced german module this semester, I thought I would also read the bible in German so I could practice..so here is my verse of the post..Romans 8:38

"Denn ich bin ueberzeugt, dass weder Tod noch Leben, weder Engel noch Fuerstentuemer, weder Gegenwaertiges noch Zukuenfttiges, noch Gewalten,weder Hoehe noch Tiefe, noch irgendein anderes Geschoepf uns zu scheiden vermoegen wird von der Liebes Gottes, die in Christus Jesus ist, unserem Herrn!"

London and Berline, two of my favourite cities in the world.

2009-03-30T12:26:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry i haven't updated for so long, but I have been rather lazy after finishing the preparatory course.

London: Was even better than the first time. The artistic culture in London is just so amazing! I met up with old friends, had really good canto food at two of the most famous restaurants there, Gold mine and Four Seasons, had amazing company, good shopping..and I wonder why its my favourite city in the world.

Caught up with Calvin on the first day, since Luis said his kitchen was too small to cook chicken rice. So Fiona, Rach Fong and I headed off to tower hill to look up Calvin. Met his flatmates, one of whom was German. Jacob! So we had a great opportunity to practice our Deutsch as well.

Us! Three lovely ladies and a gentleman..

The next highlight was dinner with Luis and Roberto at Belgo's! Luis is my oboe senior studying oboe at the Royal Academy..really good stuff.

Two soon to be famous musicians..

Then we had four seasons duck. After a month in Germany without good chinese food, having the best duck in London was fantastic. Plus a pot of tie guan yin to wash it all down....

Breakfast(s): Asian and American!

2009-03-07T12:36:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday, I cooked an Asian breakfast and had a mini party! It was quite fun, though i think my you tiao turned out to be quite a disaster! As you know, food is the most important for Singaporeans and we take great pleasure in planning and cooking our meals! We are going to have steam boat next week and invite jenny from Hongkong to join us..I am really looking forward to hot soup and rice!

My Asian Breakfast

Menu:
Luncheon meat and bread
Glutinous rice dumplings in ginger soup (tang yuan with sesame filling)
You Tiao (fried dough fritters)
Soya Bean milk
Pancakes (provided by shaomin)

Guests:
Singaporeans (Fiona, Rach Fong, Shaomin, and I)
Hadi (indonesian)
Kristina and sladja (Serbian)
Ryan (american)

The food! The youtiao does not look like youtiao..and does not taste like it either..

Shaomin making the pancakes..

Tangyuan! Fantastic with a bowl of hot ginger soup during winter

The rest of us!

So today, Ryan invited us to HIS american breakfast..

Menu
Scrambled and sunny side up eggs
Orange juice and champagne (they have an alcohol problem, in the morning?!)
Bacon and sausages
Roasted Potatoes with butter and cheese
Pancakes with nutella
Bannana Bread
Toast.

Since Ryan and I live in the same wohnheim, I went up early to help him and I must say I am rather proud of my sunny side ups with their intact yolks. And I didn't know guys could cook this well. It was a great brunch..

My sunny side up!

Here are the rest of the eggs plus the scrambled eggs

Roasted potatoes..these are heavenly

Laying the table...and the pancakes!

Everyone..and I was taking the picture of course.

Irene (spain)
Grant (US)
Lisa (Aus)
Alastair (US)
Amanda (US)
Ryan (US)

More pictures next time!

New Friends and Deutsch is so hard to master

2009-02-26T09:30:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

Today let me introduce a few of my friends in my german class to you as well as tell you about how difficult my german class is.

This is Janjira, my class mate from thailand. She is very good in german and has been learning it intensively for one year plus. She speaks only thai and german so I am forced to practice german with her. She is very helpful and always explains complicated grammar structures to me.

This is Irene, from Spain, barcelona. She sits on my left in class and she always laughs at my rubbish. I always have my break with her and I have found out that she likes to play basketball and bake! She stays at neuenheimer feld which is near the Max Weber house. (Hey dan!! She play basket ball leh!) I think we will have a baking session soon!

This is Kristian from SERBIA. I guess many people wont know where serbia is. But serbia is an eastern european country bordering bulgaria and hungary. Its gone through a lot of upheaval and masscres and etc. But christina is very friendly and super nice. Google serbia, I'm sure you'll find it interesting!

This is what I do in class. In the first 1 and half hours , i practice grammar. The grammar structures are becoming increasingly difficult, for example the partizip 1 and conjunctive 1, and the relativesatzes, as well as not to mention, my personal dislike of the Plus Quam perfect conjunction 2. Gosh. Verben mit prapositionen too! So much to study!

for the next 1.5 hours we read a text, write something, or discuss a theme. So far we have discussed the medical ethics, music, youth internet delinquency, everything in german. I died in my first discussion!

Then we have a short presentation prepared by someone in the class. Next monday it is my turn and i am super kiasu singaporean. I wanted the weekend to prepare. But i have not thought of a theme yet..maybe my theme will be Travel, or History. So , more updates soon!

Faching !

2009-02-25T09:12:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Heidelberg celebrated a festival called Fasching, just before ash Wednesday. In Singapore we would hardly ever get a chance to have an all our parade, but that was exactly what that was. From the Bismarck Platz to the Hauptstrasse was many many vehicles and floats throwing out beer, alcohol, bread, sweets and all kinds of stuff! One german man even drew a heart in pink lipstick on my cheek. My friend has the picture and I will upload it when i have it.

You can wikipedia Karneval if u are interested. It is the same as Fasching. At first i wanted to go home as quick as possible because I was anticipating many drunk people on the street, but I realised that I could not go home! So i just stayed and joined in the festive atmosphere. It was really fun.

Today I wan out of groceries so I headed to Rewe, something like our NTUC. Now I have food for the week. Its quite fun planning my weekly menu! For lunch today I was at Marstalhof mensa and i had quite a lot for lunch so dinner is often not a very significant activity for me.

I had my first look at a violin shop since I came to Heidelberg. I got to try 2 violins. One cost 900 Euros and I like it very much.. but I will continue to look around before I decided which one I want to buy.

The German preparatory course is getting harder and harder. Fortunately I only need to pass to transfer the credits to NUS. But I have to put in a lot of effort, which I did not expect! So I try to do my homework as much as possible. I have made many friends here from different countries. For examples, Spain, Greece, USA, Brazil, Thailand..Its really cool.

This friday, i will attend a concert at the Max Weber house in the evening. Its a piano trio from the Freiburg musichochschule I think and i'm looking forward to it very much. till the next update!

Heidelberg- everything u need to know

2009-02-22T08:30:00.000-08:00

In order: Rachel tan and rachel fong, on the way to school (the coldest part of the walk), school (also called max weber haus), typical lunch

I arrived in Frankfurt on the 16 of Feburary and took a lufthansa shuttle bus with Rachel Fong, Fiona and Shao min to Heidelberg. Then I realised that all of us were separated (because they wanted us to be independent and mix around) and i got my keys to Rohrbacher Strasse 110. This is where i live, you can google map it.

I then took a cab to the hostel and unpacked. I must say, the room looks a lot better now than before! Its a little suburban and pretty quiet, and i like the hostel very much. Well so i settled all the admin stuff like paying for the hostel, settling the deposit, setting up the bank account, getting a german telephone number, buying health insurance ecetera.

The next day, we sat for an entrance exam to determine how good our german was. Thankfully i got into the mittlestufe, which is something i think i can map back to in Singapore. Its like an intermediate level of german. So we have had classes from 830 to 130 everyday before we break for lunch. This week has been filled with matriculation and other random levels of beauracracy which i hate but is a necessary evil , so, as the germans say, na ja! (oh wells!)

We met Hadi who is almost singapoean, holds an indonesian passport, and who is a medicine student in germany. And finally I have internet access , thanks to HADI! U rock..

I've been supermarket shopping on friday and saturday because I realised I couldn't survive on cereal and chocolate forever, so I decided to attempt cooking. Today is sunday night, and I might attempt some pasta..

I've been diligently drinking my vitamin C, and dressing warmly. It is really cold here, and I typically put on about 3-4 layers of clothing. The view of Heidelberg and the old buildings are spectacular, but its often so cold I have no time to appreciate the view and can think of nothing better than to go into a cafe and have a cup of warm tea or chocolate.

Today is sunday, and I had to find a church. So out i went with Rachel (Fong)and Fiona to search for bernie's church. Bernie is an MOE scholar studying Germanistik in Heidelberg and she recommended me a church. But she's off to barcelona for the weekend for a break so armed with just the address we searched for calvary chapel heidelberg. I found the church service very refreshing, the sermon was good, well organised and sound and the people were friendly, and best of all there was english translation!

so here are some pictures..please comment or keep in touch.i miss all of u!

disappointment

2009-02-11T00:28:00.000-08:00

Well I think today I really learned a lesson about internalising the lessons learnt during sunday school myself first. Every day it seems to me like a discover my heart is just that little but more deceitful it was yesterday...oh man.

Its time to live for the things that truly matter...

project yunnan

2009-02-09T08:22:00.000-08:00

I met up with a good friend of mine today, a youth worker turned missionary in Yunnan. We had porridge and had a talk..

Sometimes I wonder what I am doing with my life. How can I live a life that counts? Will the things I think make me happy truly make me happy? Or is my happiness found in simple things that contribute to God's kingdom?

I went for another PSD recruitment thing the other day. i've been to so many it feels somewhat routine, and i ask myself, is this what I really want in life?

It looks like I haven't really found the answer yet. Maybe its time to make another trip to Yunnan...

Meanwhile, i'm thankful God has given me friends that i really look up to for their sacrifice and love for God's word, work and people and I only pray that if God should ask me to do the same, I will submit with joy.

Having time to read, Barack Obama and a day in the life of rachel

2009-01-18T06:24:00.000-08:00

One thing I've missed doing is reading. During the school term, all I read are biased accounts said to be objective and supported by evidence, each writer though, in his own way influenced by his own biography and a prisoner of the same crime.

Well, I wouldn't say I am the MOST objective person, in fact I tend to let my emotions get the better of me on many occasions. I am guilty as charged of writing stuff based on what I term my own rationality. But this holiday, I get to read. And I mean really read a lot of things, from John Macarthur's twelve ordinary men and twelve extraordinary women, to Barack Obama's the audacity of hope.

One thing i've noticed about excellent writers: they all have one thing in common: A passion for the subjects they deal with. They sincerely believe the cause that they are writing about, and one cannot help but feel swept up and along in their current of thought. I wonder if i am able to write with the same convictions about the things I believe in.

I'll be leaving in less than 4 weeks. It does not feel particularly momentuous, because perhaps things haven't really sunk in yet. But I know I will miss all my friends, especially my BASICS and my Sunday school. It really has been home to me the past few years. In spite of many disagreements and differences, we are all sinners walking along the same narrow path..and sometimes (in fact a lot of times) i tend to take our friendships etc for granted. Well I treasure them now, before a time comes where I won't get a chance to any more.

I think my philosophy in life can be summed up in a very simple phrase written by one of the wisest and most intelligent men in history. Ecclesiastes 12:13 "Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man".

First time in NTU

2009-01-07T05:46:00.001-08:00

Well today I decided to be brave and headed down to NTU to meet the BASICS for a picnic! My very first inauguration in the west, and it was great! ( as in west of NUS too!)

So, I got off the bus to be met by Serene. Then I had the Macdonald's prosperity burger which was every bit juicy and delicious as I expected it to be , what with Curly fries and all. There goes Project waistline! I'm sorry if this is sounding bimbotic and like any other What -happened- in- a-day blog, but I think my BASICS deserve to be mentioned in more than the occasional blog post, no?

Well i'm listening to the recording of my esplanade concert with the trio..which all my BASICS attended..and i must say recordings are ruthless. i wince at every flaw. But then again, it was fun. Na ja. (means oh well, in german).

After lunch we had a great time chatting about significant stuff (not ur usual everyday weather conversations, but REAL stuff) and then we went to look at this beautiful picnic spot which janice and serene discovered. It was great. It reminded me of the lawn of daisies I used to walk through on my way home in Munster. Nice grass, big space, cloudy skies. Just I, my friends and paradise. What could be better? So after the customary photo taking, we settled down with picnic mat and all, and guess what, the sprinklers came on! What a shame. So we headed down to the airconditioned area to play some games.

Janice remarked the the open space would be great for watching stars. I think so too. How poetic it would be, just you me and the rest of paradise. Moments like these magnify the beauty of the earth , i wonder how people could ever believe that there is no Creator! Sometimes I think we need to watch some stars instead of spending all our time in the library, just so that we have time to think. I think, star gazing might very well be my next hobby! Anyone wants to join me? =)

defence of the faith

2009-01-02T08:02:00.000-08:00

Religious Malaise

I just read C.S Lewis' The Screwtape Letters and I'm thoroughly moved, though I feel this may not be such a good thing. It just makes me feel the Christian religion is one gigantic paradox and urges me on to reject everything, including any organized religion in general.

It is extremely difficult to maintain so many fronts to so many people; for some, this will be with regards to their personality; for yet others, this will be their tastes. For me, it is my religion. I simply do not know what I believe in. I'm tired of having to deny reason for faith in a God, who supposedly created me with an intellect to choose between right and wrong. I'm tired of looking at all the faces in church, knowing that I cannot ask anyone, no not one, of these lovely [and not so lovely] people for an answer. I'm tired of going to church, hearing sermon after sermon, having these doubts ring clearly in my mind, seeing preacher after preacher teaching paradox and flimsy doctrine.

I guess you'd think I'm atheist. But a part of me doesn't want to identify with the atheists I see either. Especially not with the likes of Richard Dawkins or Sam Harris, who are as fundamentalist as my church pastor or ex-president Bush. Moreso, not with the likes of putting up offensive sign boards knowing the effects.

I've been so called "born and raised" in a Christian home, with parents who believe the Bible to be the inerrant word of God, almost to the letter. They believe that Christianity is a relationship with the Hebrew Creator God, who is both simultaneously and distinctly, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I would love to go into a couple of other things, but I'm afraid it will simply turn into an affirmation of their beliefs, of which I can't be 100% certain about anyway, since I don't feel at liberty to discuss them at all.

My father is dead serious about his faith and he dismisses everything from homosexuality to evolution, justifying that this is biblical. He reads the Bible rather diligently, spends time in prayer, and has a saintly way about him most times. My mother on the other hand, believes nearly the exact same things, but she will admit she hasn't read through the Bible even at least once. She echoes very often what she hears in the church and quotes scripture to back up her sometimes scary position on things like rebellious children (eagles will gouge out your eyes / take them to the courtyard and stone them). There feels nothing religiously saintly about her, but she does have a kind heart. And she is, like my dad, fundamentally a "good" person—a generally non-malicious, occasionally charitable person. They also attend church regularly, every Sunday in fact.

There are right now so many of Christian-Atheist arguments coupled in my head that I feel really lost and in need of someone to perhaps talk it through with. Yes, I said coupled, almost like particle and anti-particle, entangled in the mysterious mass of consciousness which is merely a speck in the vast unfathomable universe. Every Christian argument I see, I chance upon or seek out a natural/rational one; every atheist one, I come across a faith based argument, that leads nowhere but often is equally intellectually dishonest.

I know all these sounds woozy since there is really little evidence. But it's hard to make an argument when your head isn't clear, when you don't have a side, when nothing but you is at stake.

What I would really love to do is just say, to everyone, for now I'm not sure whether I believe in God or not. Or if it is the Christian God. An increased awareness, about the natural world and organized religion has done away with everything that ever once held me to this faith: the argument from creation, miracles and signs, absolute morality, timelessness of the holy book, the blessedness of the saints, the power of prayer...

And if God so does exist and love me like you claim He does, I'm sure he will find His way to tell me. Are you not confident in His ability, such that you have to perpetually lend Him a hand? I just ask, no more forcing, no more invisible pressure to keep silent, or to say graces, or observe petty rituals that are not even in the Bible anyway. There's no need to pray for my soul; rather pray for your own, since you live by a standard that is above this world, and depending on what else you may believe in, there may or may not be enough grace there for you.

Reply:

Defence of the Faith: The argument for a Christian faith that is rational and intellectual (as evidenced by the bible).

If reading the C.S Lewis had such an effect on people, I would buy many copies of it and distribute it. But unlike the Screwtape letters, there is a book which not only is able to disturb the conscience, but also is able to change lives. I have been the unworthy recipient of such grace, and I have the assurance that I will have enough grace to last me more than a lifetime, because God keeps those he loves. Before I even begin to construct an argument on the above title, I must first begin by saying that the ISM’s of this world have wrought an unwieldy, destructive and dangerous effect on our minds, and even more so on our hearts. Absolute truth (what atheists deem a fallacy) has been so warped in definition it remains only a fragment, or nothing at all, of its original meaning. When philosophers debate over this and eventually settle on a stance that uphold their intellectual beliefs and yet safeguards the inherent contradiction in making a statement on absolute truth, concluding that there is nothing at all that is true in this world and leaving it at that, they refuse to come to terms with themselves. I know many of those who are familiar with these arguments, and I am sure you are too, better schooled in every school of thought than I am. Having said that, I hold to the strong belief, a belief which I completely have faith in and am utterly convicted in my heart and my mind, that God loves those whom he has elected, and that he will keep them to the end.

If living a perfect moral life was a pre-requisite to becoming a good question, unquestionable, I would have failed terribly. Who is without sin? All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. The presence of sin in this world remains in us, but for us who have believed and submitted to the Lordship of Christ, we have the ability to be free from this sin. This does not mean we can live perfect holy lives. Rather, we are able to ask for forgiveness when we sin, and be sanctified by the daily reading of the bible and a conscious will to do what pleases God. The crux in this therefore is, I would not admit to such pride, that I could live a morally righteous life. What is a standard above this world? It is the standard that God had intended for us to live, when he created the world. Have I then achieved this? No. But what I have received by grace, is enough for me to live a life as close as originally intended, till I see my Creator face to face.

I am sorry that I am not able to leave your last paragraph unanswered. As my friend who has been with me through much of my early life, knowing what I have held deepest in my heart, consoling me when all the jerks I met in my life disappointed me, how can you then ask me to stop speaking of something which is so close to my heart? In the same vein, how can someone force to believe in something you so adamantly do not?

Having said all these, contrary to what many Christians have misunderstood or have misconstrued, I firmly believe that the Christian faith is an intellectual and rational faith. It is not Intellectualism, or Rationalism, which are strains of philosophy. Neither is it a mystic faith, based on vain rituals and superstitions. How do I know this? One would first have to examine the bible closely. Having been trained as a historian and political scientist, I would be loath to take any source at face value. However, an examination of the bible shows that there is no contradiction, no fallacy, and nothing false in it. Not only that, it is written rationally, as a simple exegesis would show coherence of structure, grammar and syntax, with sound historical background. Where from, do the arguments come from then? They come from men whose hearts cannot accept the truth of the bible, and hence conjure up alternatives that sound really sophisticated, but at the heart of it deny the existence, power and greatness of a Creator God.

I could write many more paragraphs over this, as we have often debated about, quoting giants like Ravi Zechariah, John Macarthur, Don A. Carson (to name some giants in the spiritual field), C.S Lewis and the likes, but I know that at the core of it, these only have two outcomes. They either provoke you to think more, perhaps leading you to feel frustrated because you are unable to come to terms with what is the real truth, or they make you completely disagree with them. In either circumstance, it is not the book, but the heart, that is the real issue. God uses these people to provoke the mind, but it is only God that provokes the heart. Despite the rejection of the offer of prayer, I will continue to do so, because I believe that it is the only way I will ever be able to be of help, more so even than these tomes of books ever will. May God be gracious to both of us.

rachel.

The Promise of Love-Martin Nievera

2008-12-21T06:26:00.000-08:00

I seldom feel the same way about pop music, in relation to classical music. But this song, sang by one of my friends, a pastor in the philippines, Charlie cabfit, reduced me to tears. People who know me know that it takes quite a bit to make me cry (unless u know my soft spots haha!), and you'd have to know me REALLy well to know what my soft spots are.

Have a listen! Its a beautiful song, sang by a beautiful voice, and a really nice person, for Aileen and Jayson's wedding.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1009696611#/video/video.php?v=1068245869708

The promise of love

I kneel beside you here today
I kneel beside you and I pray
That it's you, it's only you
Who will share my tomorrows and yesterdays

I searched a lifetime and found you
A bridge to forever I share with you
Open your heart and let me in
As I give you this promise of love...

I heard an angel say your name
Now I know my world's not the same
A little heaven is what you are
As we dream a thousand dreams not so far

And with the blessings from our Lord above
His light will guide us with a love
For you and me forevermore
As I give you this promise of love...

Now that I have you for my own
As God is our witness never let me go
Feel the love grow as we become one
One hand, one heart we are one soul...

I stand before you just a man
I need your help to understand
What is love without you
As I promise you this day and forever

This promise of love...

Recently this verse has been stuck in my head 1 Cor 10: 13. And reflecting on the bible study on friday, I realise sometimes the trials God gives me are always the same, because perhaps I haven;t learnt my lesson yet. So, I have yet another one to endure...which will only reveal my own heart to me more and more.

...

2008-12-17T09:37:00.000-08:00

After staring at the screen for 15 minutes, I've finally decided not to write anything. Some things are better off not said. Um Geduld zu haben...

Perplexed, but not unfaithful

2008-12-14T07:22:00.000-08:00

Taken from Dr Albert Mohler's blog. Very encouraging..

A recent caller to my radio program raised an issue of obvious personal urgency. He explained that he and his wife had recently experienced the death of a young child. He spoke of his faith in Christ and of his desire to be obedient. "But, can we question God?" he asked.

Of all possible tragedies, the death of a child is singularly horrific. The caller did not relate details of this tragedy, but we all heard enough to feel the unspeakable grief experienced by this young Christian couple. Do they have a right to question God?

It seems to me that the answer is both yes and no. Beginning with the biblical affirmation that God is omnipotent and omniscient, sovereign and ever-reigning, we start with the understanding that whatever comes to pass does so by the express command, ordination, or permission of the Father. Thus, the Creator is at all times responsible for his creation -- and for his creatures.

So, is it legitimate to question God?

Perhaps we should consider how God has revealed himself to us as Father. Considering a human father for a moment, we can recognize two different ways of questioning his ways. The first way would be to rest secure in his love and fatherly care, but to express confusion over his ways. Even the most faithful and trusting children wonder about their parents at times. What are they up to? Why did they make that decision rather than the other? What was the purpose of that action? As close as children are to parents, parents often perplex children by acting like adults. In this mode of questioning, the child never questions the father's love and faithful disposition, but does admit confusion -- and perhaps even disappointment.

The other way of questioning a human father is to question his character, his faithfulness, or the authenticity of his love. This is an altogether different mode of questioning. In this second pattern of questioning, the child questions the father's heart, not merely his actions and ways.

Now, move from considering these two different modes of questioning a human father to a parallelset of approaches to questioning our heavenly Father. It is not unfaithful to admit and to articulate a sense of perplexity and pain in observing the ways of God. There are times when we cannot offer an explanation of God's ways. At times, we cannot even detect any possibility of a purpose. We can admit this to ourselves, to our brothers and sisters in Christ, and to our heavenly Father.

The other mode of questioning God, on the other hand, constitutes sin and implies unbelief. We cannot remain faithful and question God's own faithfulness. His love for those who are in Christ is beyond question. His character is a constant and his love never fails. He is not loving and gracious toward believers at one moment, only to turn into a malevolent deity the next. He never changes.

In this light, it would be sin to question God in this second sense -- the sense in which we might question whether God really loves us, or if He is really faithful to his promises. This is not the questioning worthy of a believer, but of an unbeliever.

In Numbers 23:19 we read: "God is not a man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that He should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has He spoken, and will he not fulfill it?" To question God's faithfulness is to assault his character. Finite human beings are incapable of understanding the wisdom of God, except when that wisdom is mediated to us through the miracle of revelation. We are not promised that all of our questions will be answered on earth.

We are promised, however, that on the Day of the Lord every believer's eyes will be dry, and every tear will be wiped away. We will understand all things in a transformed light. We will know in a fully revealed sense what it means when we are promised that nothing can separate us from the love of God. On that day will not be God's interrogators or questioners, but worshipers who will see him face to face.

Is it legitimate for a believer to question God? Yes and no. Even the Apostle Paul admitted to being perplexed [2 Corinthians 4:8], but by his own affirmation he was not crushed. We have no right to question the steadfast love of God for us, however, because this insinuates that God is either unable nor unwilling to keep his word. As the Bible reveals, He is neither unable or unwilling. He is ever faithful, even as his ways are "past finding out" [Romans 11:33].

One day, we will be beyond asking any questions about God's ways. Until then, it may help to remember that even the Apostle Paul was sometimes perplexed. Perplexed, that is, but not unfaithful.

By Albert Mohler

Remembering God's Grace

2008-12-06T04:49:00.000-08:00

I haven't been here for quite a while, being caught up in the Semester Exams and all. But I'm back from the church camp, and I must say this is the first family camp I've been to since I became a Christian at 16. .actually end of 16 going on 17. No doubt, I grew up in the church and have attended many camps before, but I wasn't a christian then. Not till I submitted to the Lordship of Christ, the glorious Creator whose love is immeasurable and who is infinitely gracious.

So just to write down some thoughts about the church camp. I wasn't sharing during the sharing session, so I thought i'd just write my sharing here.

Ecclesiastes 12:1 says
" Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, " I find no pleasure in them".

As I remember what I was like before I became a christian, I am reminded from Ecclesiastes that in my youth, I have to remember my Creator. What other life would be meaningful without living according to God's design? And the theme of this year's camp was exactly that- Walking in the Light, with my added "subtitle" -Living according to God's design.

There are two things that really made me think during the camp.

1) The grace of God
There is no way a person will be able to walk in the light if not for the grace of God. Ephesians 2:8 says.."for it is by grace that you have been saved, not by works..". It reminds me that by myself, i am nothing. The pride of life, which is inherent in any human, constantly tells me to take pride in my talents. I forget that the things and gifts that I have are only gifts, and without God, all of the things I do are like filthy rags! What a humbling thought, but how amazing it is that God would deign to save a person like me. How God would orchestrate events in our lives so that on hingsight, we marvel at the unraveling of this amazing plan that God has personally planned out for each one of us.

I shared in my group sharing that it never fails to bring tears to my eyes when people share their testimony, because it always contains two elements a) awe, b)undeservedness.
When Eugene shared his testimony, it wasn't the first time I heard it. Yet, I was still moved because it spoke about the awe of the great Creator God who would save sinful people, and the undesevedness of his sinful people. I have heard it in many testimonies. How close they sound to mine.

2) The rejection of the world

Sometimes, even when I think about my own life, sometimes I think i have already given up a lot for God. For example, rejecting concerts, assignments etc. and i find it restricting. But then, where is my joy of salvation? i ask myself. And even more so, I discover that I still love the world more that I love God. To say I put God first would be a lie. In fact, I love myself the most and put God in 3rd or 4th place, and sometimes no place at all. I pray that God will help me to love Him more, and the world less, always looking to the hope, that when Jesus comes again, I will be confident and unashamed at his coming. It has always been a touchy topic for me. I will have to ask God to search my heart...and really through his guiding Word, let me come to decisions that will please him regarding my future career and plans.

I know I have a long way to go in my christian life. It is like what Paul said, running a race. I know it will be tough because of the inherent sins- the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life. I know it will be tough because of the external pressures- the world. But I also know that I have a God whose love I can never be separated from, and that neither death nor life, angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate me from this love. Even more so, He keeps his people to the end. And that gives me hope, that tills Jesus comes, I can abide in Him, and that I will truly be confident and unashamed at his coming. I just pray that those whom I love (God only knows them) will know this God too.

"Denn ich bin ueberzeugt, dass weder Tod noch Leben, weder Engel noch Fuerstentuemer, weder Gegenwaertiges noch Zukuenfttiges, noch Gewalten,weder Hoehe noch Tiefe, noch irgendein anderes Geschoepf uns zu scheiden vermoegen wird von der Liebes Gottes, die in Christus Jesus ist, unserem Herrn!". Wie schoen, nicht?

comprendre?

2008-11-06T16:53:00.001-08:00

Non, je ne comprends pas!

A wedding in October among other things!

2008-10-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

I attended my friend's wedding today. It was a beautiful wedding, a glowing bride and a beaming groom, friends whom i missed and had not seen in MONTHS, a great sermon, and beautiful songs. I was so glad to be part of it. I teared ( and many around me did too) when the Victor sang Elene the song! I am so happy for them. Congratulations and may you have many happy years in the Lord!
Chien Chong gave the sermon and it was delivered with his usual aplomb and wit, Chee Hong and Sharon were the Masters and Mistresses of ceremony, and I would just like to share with all of you the very important 3 points in a marriage which Chien Chong shared.

1) The order of marriage (passage from ephesians 5)
a) "Wives, submit to your husbands in everything... "Wives should submit to their husbands in everything (not Somethings). It means that the submission is unconditional, which means the wife cannot say that ok iwill submit, provided you ____(buy me a diamond ring?) haha!
- At the same time, the wife should also present the husband with all the alternatives and concerns so that the husband can make a wise and godly decision.

b) " Husbands, love your wives.."The husband is the Leader. This means that he has the responsibility to lead and to make wise decisions. He must love his wife, and he loves her not only with his heart but also with his ears. This means he listens to her concerns and makes decisions with her concerns in mind, showing that he loves her.

quotable quotes
" Victor, don't compare your wife with your mother. She is not your mother."
"also , don't compare her with other people's wives. Other people's wives are not your wife". everybody was laughing by that time..

2) The Union of Marriage

a) "and the two shall become one flesh". Marriage is a union, meaning that 2 become 1. Divorce is not an easy way out where people run away from difficulties in marriage. CC illustrated this using this example:

Many people think that divorce is 2 people - 1 person= 1 person left. If we understand what marriage is all about this is absolutely false.
Since marriage is a union, divorce is

1 union- 1= 0
How can this be possible? How can people remain whole after divorce? I think this is a very important point he brought up. The agony of the breaking of a union seldom leaves people unscathed. thats because they were 1 in the first place, not 2.

3) The Christ -centred marriage

a) the marriage must always be centered on christ. some people think that husband and wife must do everything together. For example, ( i quote again), "the husband hold the dustpan, the wife hold the broom and sweep the floor". Or, they have a very sweet romance as a couple. This is not a christ centred marriage. A christ centred marriage is where they have the same purposes and goals in life (which is to be faithful in their service, to each other and to God) even though they may be doing different things at different times. They love Christ first, and then each other, before loving themselves. This simple concept makes a marriage work and last. Because if christ is not the centre, they are the centre. Which means they love themselves first, so when difficulties arise, others have to change, not them, because they are ok. And when both parties think this way, then they cite "irreconciliable differneces".

He said " I don't know if they know the implications of inviting me to their wedding. it means that they have asked me to be a witness, and i have the responsibility to remind them of their vows to each other no matter what happens. so are all of you witnesses."
Solemn stuff, but a great reminder to all of us. Was a real lesson for me! Congratulations, Elene and Victor and many happy years (and children) ahead!

I saw so many people at the wedding who have been such an integral part of my life the last 3 years. The agonies of ministry and personal struggle, the fun filled retreats and the intense moments when we had to grapple with our own sinful selves and put aside our differences so that we could serve God better. Unforgettable. On another note, i look forward to creating many memories serving God with the people in church! =)

si je veux?

2008-09-29T22:59:00.000-07:00

Si je veux, je peux, mais je dois travailler.

Meine Lehrerin hat dieses gesagt. Das ist eine gute Ratschlag! Ich muss mehr in Deutsch schreiben, weil ich nachste semester nach Heidelberg fliegen. Ich kann nicht mehr warten! Heute habe ich Franzosisch. Das war schlecht, weil es sehr frueh war. Spaeter habe ich Deutsch, und jetzt muss ich fuer den test lernen. Nach den test werde ich mit meinen Freunden Abendsessen zu essen! Ah. Endlich kann ich entspannung!

Turandot SLO and TPO

2008-09-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

The last night of Puccini's favourite opera, and boy, am I tired. Just some photos of my favourite singers and cast before I give u all an update when I finish sleeping for 2 days.

The very gracious Ms kim young ae, legend in the opera world and my favourite turandot,

the very talented Mr Lee jae wok, my favourite calaf

and ms jessica chen, the turandot of cast A who absolutely blew me away with the riddle scene. Amazing stuff.

philosophical ramblings. (i totally understand if u don't want to read this)

2008-08-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

I think I'm at a point in my life where I have to be very clear about things. To qualify this, I must say I'm been feeling a little displaced since I left the people in yfc. When I first became much more involved in church, I was probably a little overwhelmed by the pace of things. Now that everything is over, and things are slowing down a little, i've had a little more time to ponder and reflect about my service.

I admit there has have been times when I have not been a faithful steward. More than that, I miss having someone older to be my mentor. Not that there are no older ladies in church. But to have the blessing of an older and very godly lady to teach and instruct and to also share my burdens is something i miss very much. I have been rebuked countless times my my previous mentors, only to see how these have broken and humbled me. I have people hold my hand during the most intense and dark moments of my christian life, and the love that comes because of the love that is true in Jesus makes it possible. I miss some of them terribly.

I can't help thinking, especially since i'm playing for an opera this season, how i can be so "close" to people but the conversation only reaches a certain level. Needless to say, our value systems are completely different. What a treasure it is to find friends, or even a soul mate who shares the same ideals and outlook in life!

Philosophers have written countless times that loneliness is an innane human condition. Of course, i agree with that. But as a christian I have a slightly different view of it. I quote my favourite verse(s) romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Only this makes me smile every day=) How great and wonderful is our God!

New Term and others in between

2008-08-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

I realised the last time I blogged was a month ago! So here's what happened between now and then ( in the order of importance) or rather my memory hehe!

1) Meitings farewell at thai express on saturday

So meiting's gonna fly off so we organised this farewell thing for her at thai express. It was fun talking about olympics and stuff with BASICS! I had to miss the fireworks because of the sitz probe for the opera but that was fun too.

2) Chee Ping and Lindy's gift of baby abigail

Thank God for the arrival of baby abigail! She looks a lot like chee ping (in my humble opinion). Hope that we can grow up to be positive influences for her. She is very cute, and my potential music student hehehe! Thank God that mother and child are fine and safe.

3) Turandot!
The newest opera in town with a stellar cast. Playing for the opera with TPO, besides earning a little pocket money it is a great experience!

4) Starting of school.
School has been quite relaxed so far. I fell in love...................................with French! (elaine are u reading this?) decided to do both languages simultaenously, merci beaucoup! C'est tres bien!

5) Watching Singapore win a silver for the olympics.
It should have been illegal not to watch it.

I will update more often!

Northern Exposure: Sibelius symphony cycle with TPO

2008-07-27T20:38:00.000-07:00

If I had to use three words to sum up the experience: Exhilarating, Exhausting, Extremely Enjoyable.

My very first concert with TPO was quite an experience in itself. I know I said I would "retire" from the music scene a year and a half ago to concentrate on my studies, but this season, my good friend and amazing oboist Veda called me up to ask if I would play. Initially hesitant, (i hadn't touched the oboe properly in a year) I decided I would try it out since i was free after coming back from my immersion in Germany. The Philharmonic Orchestra is made up of a large bulk of SNYO alumni, and a small part of foreigners plus other ardent "amateur musicians". Well they aren't amateurs to me!

I was very stressed for this concert, simply because of mitigating circumstances, there were only two of us oboists left for 3 symphonies. I tried my best to learn the other 2 symphonies in the span of one week, but I always made mistakes during rehearsals..(very paiseh abt it haha). But yesterday's concert was very good. Although I did miss some parts because i was stressed, but the rest turned out very well. Really fun playing in an orchestra again, i didn't realise how much I missed it! And of course, i must credit my friend and first oboist cum section mate veda for being the best and my favouritest first oboist ever..super encouraging and always helping me to count bars!! (i was always hopeless at math and always got lost..). an amazing oboist too...

After that we went for supper at xin wang. I got to know a few new friends, it was fun talking to them. Sigh. Maybe I should go back for next season after turandot. But i have so many church ministries now..and of course studying! I must not lose my resolve..I told myself one concert and thats it! Yesterday they asked if I was coming back and I said no..because i had to study, and the main reason why I played this round was because Veda asked me.So we shall see then.

pictures

so here we are..the oboists!
so northern exposure 3 is the penultimate concert of my holidays..one more easy one to go and then its back to the grindstone of school! can't wait for german 3 and my history mod to start..

Buffet, red cliff, and supper with jjjr and co.

2008-07-21T08:32:00.001-07:00

Met up with a few good friends last friday. I was dead tired after the concert the previous night, so I was late! But we made it in good time for the buffet at the Cathy, and for those who have not tried the Jap buffet there, I recommend it because although the quality may not be as high as sushi tei or other various restaurants, it is cheap and affordable. Plus, some dishes go for a steal!

As you can see, we ate A LOT. i especially found the pregnant fish very interesting. But the roe inside was quite hard.. Highly recommended in the soft shell crab hand roll (not found in pic). I'm craving for some sapparo ramen ..

After the buffet we went to watch red cliff at the Cathy. The was a student offer that allowed us to watch the movie for only 6 dollars! It was a really good movie though, literary and poetic based on the chronicles of the three kingdoms and not the fictional-historical romance of the three kingdoms.

Thereafter, we went for supper at cartel.

Motif drei und meine Freunde!

2008-07-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

I want to say thank you to everyone who came for the concert. I really really appreciate all your support and and so touched that all of you are willing to sit through a whole concert with me! Thank you all so much my BASICS!

Of course, to my dear trio mates, zhangyi and wanshan for putting up this show with me. For all the practices at Wanshan's house and for all the lunches at parkway (thank you Zhangyi!). Music is really beautiful, but I know that it must be used for God's glory. How much more potential music could have in praising our wonderful Creator God!

some pictures now

aunt jan and I

Ms Chew and I (my mentor is TJC!)

zhangyi and I. The person who arranged the pieces and a great violinst!

Three of us, the trio! From left to right

Wanshan, me, zhangyi. Wanshan, the virtuoso pianist! Had a great perfomance and a fantastic night=)

And my BASICS: brothers and sisters in christ. Love u all! so touched u all come and support, hope u guys enjoyed it.

serene, carrine, felicia, judy, yew chun, aunt jan, euan, aunt shou ai, mum, me, shiwen, maureen, meiting, small janice, lois, chee ping, lindy, tai e (not in pic)

cookies pics!

2008-07-07T00:08:00.000-07:00

thanks to zhi han, who kindly took these pictures for me. I could not even recognise my own cookies..

singapore flyer, lilliputt and others

2008-07-06T09:08:00.001-07:00

I forgot to blog about our outing the other day. Well I suppose most of it has been mentioned by toilet bird and the others, for a blow by blow account check out isabelle's and felicia's blog.

I really enjoyed the flyer because for one it was the activity i was most awake for. Having gotten up at 8 am which I haven't done since i came back from church camp , i was exhausted. at the toy museum, I was contented after seeing my Mr spock (MR SPOCK!!) (yes i am a star trek fan) and noddy and proceeded to sleep my way through while the rest cam whored. After my power nap I was all ready to head to the flyer. It was really great, I enjoyed the beautiful view of Singpore as the sky faded into dusk, and of course all the pictures and the time spent with lois, isablle, shiwen, janice, and felicia! I learnt something new about each one of them. For example, shiwen likes to make funny faces when taking photos. Haha! I learn something new everyday!

So i have tried to succintly describe a fabulous day in one paragraph and actually two german words would elegantly sum it up. Viel Spass!!=)

Ich habe viele Zeit, aber auch viele activitaten!

2008-06-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

My weeks seem to be filled to the brim during the holidays! 4 concerts to play for:

National band Competition :13 July (Sun)
The Philharmonic Orchestra : Esplanade 27July (Sun)
TJC Alumni Symphonique : 2 Aug (Sat)
Motif : 10 Aug (Sun)

And of course all the social gatherings, outings and baking of cookies! I'm really thankful to all my friends who have supported my online enterprise (due to my shameless advertising) and I hope you all enjoy eating them as much as I have enjoyed making the cookies! The weeks seem to be flying by and soon I guess I will be back in the humdrum of school. (although school can hardly be described as humdrum.)

Well then, I have also had the luxury of reading. Finished 2 P.G wodehouses which were absolutely hilarious. I never used to bother to find out who Jeeves was until I read about the woosters. For those in need of a good laugh and some humour, or a good book for a good lie in on a rainy afternoon, wodehouse is the way to go. Or if you are feeling especially emo. Wodehouse dosent work for me when I'm emo though. Maybe Brahms. =)

I've learnt not to trust authors of titles with the words containing "relationship", or "special". I picked up this book at the library that day which read "a special relationship". It was terrible! I'll stick to my ludlums, wodehouses, greenes, and star trek next time.

By the way, have I ever mentioned that my favourite book is "the confessions of max tivoli?" (other than the bible of course). Go read it if you can. Unwarsheinlich gut!

In a State of Flux

2008-06-21T07:26:00.001-07:00

Having left muenster for a mere 10 days, it seems like I've never been away. But I still miss my beautiful lawn of daisies, and occasionally I still dream of lying surrounded by my pristine white daisies watching the clouds. But I'll probably have to wait until next year to do that.

I would love to continue my blog about Germany, but i've already uploaded a considerable part of my photos on facebook, with a running commentary to boot. Suffice to say, I'm a little sick of uploading photos and waiting for blogger to process them. Its just so tedious.

So now for the obligatory blog post about my church camp. (haha, kidding). It was revolutionary. Absolutely! Though I was kinda tired after my flight, but I prayed very hard and I made sure I was hyped up all the way till I crashed on the Monday after. Well, compared to the exams, it was not much of a big deal, and really fun to boot.

What I loved most about the church camp was the interaction between the people from the different sessions, and of course learning God's word. Plus the games and the dorm time..Smashing! I really learnt a lot too, about relating to younger people, in a sense I really had to put down a lot of my pride and go to their level. Spoke more Singlish then I ever did, but hey, I love speaking Singlish! That's called Singaporean spirit. Anyway, i formed many friendships and just hope that all of our love and zeal will continue, being rooted in God's word, and a clear purpose about what we want in life.

My dorm girls were great, no trouble at all, and so creative! I sillyly volunteered to act whatever they didnt want to, so I ended up as the shaman. I always end up the "immer lustig". Yay! Ich bin immer lustig! I'm kinda feeling a little sad that the camp is over, i'm back to teaching my students (which i enjoy too!). Am really glad for this holiday, because I get to do all the things I don't get to do during the school term. Like playing for TPO. Which reminds me, the other day I stepped back into orchestra, and it felt really good. Like I was home, where I was always meant to be. i kinda forgot what it was like to be awed by being a part of the beautiful music surrounding me. It was as if I've never left. At least for this holiday season, I get to do something I really love. And all my friends, still there, still the same. Maybe I'm not really the same anymore, i don't think I could ever be the same after everything thats happened. But I had a great time catching up with them though. Music jokes flying around, the same lingo, the same atmosphere. All mine for the next 3 months.

I saw the biggest turnout for YF today. God is so awesome. Many times i have so little faith, but God is far greater than anything or anyone. Really enjoy being with my church friends! Its a far cry from the company before, but they are the people who will be walking my journey of faith with me. And what more could i ask for?=)

PS: please do check out my online business, www.art-of-cookie-ing.blogspot.com. Your support is greatly appreciated!

recuperated

2008-06-10T07:58:00.000-07:00

I have come back from a most amazing and fun church camp, and after having slept for 3 hours straight, I feel brave enough to continue my blog posts about muenster. Once back in Singapore, one just slips into the rigeur of daily life once again, and it seems so normal to be in sunny singapore now.

My second day in Muenster started off by a great breakfast of Pumpernickel with an assortment of cheeses, hams and juice before Herr Ewering took us to the Niedelander Festival which his wife organised. Just some pictures here first..

We saw a german band playing some band music. They were not bad at all, and after which we saw some netherand dance. I liked the festival, it had a kind of old world city feel to it. And I like history and old things i guess, so i wasn't bored at all. And after which we took a short walk to the Schloss, or castle in german. The Schloss has been incorporated as part of the university and there is a small cafe there where we officially met with the other host families and had kaffee und kuchen, or coffee and cake. I had this really good plain cheese cake, with a cup of the most thick chocolate ever. After that, we returned home, and my host came to pick me up in the evening, and so I arrived at my real home for the next 3 weeks, Junker jorg Platz.

the german conductor!

Jiayan and i at the city centre

the netherlands dance!

schloss where we had our kaffee and kuchen

Where do I begin?

2008-06-09T11:37:00.000-07:00

As i expected, this would happen. Just touched down 8 hours ago, and I fell into bed at 10 oclock, before I woke up groggy at 2 am wondering where I was. Then it hit me, I was back in sunny Singapore. And since I am not able to sleep, I will entertain all of you with another of my public musings. I started at the end, now I will return to the beginning. Well essentially this blog is a diary of chronological order (i hope) of the days we spent in munster together. Please do add your comments and photos, or not this will seem like I am trying to amuse myself getting rid of jetlag..which is not=)

So. The first day I spent in Munster was fortunately uneventful and restful. As my host was away, I stayed at Herr Ewerings house, a man who works for the Catholic church. So we proceeded to his house for my first quiche, and i say, it was REALLY GOOD. And of course I remember his first question, "what would you like to drink? Beer or Wine? and i replied, mineral water please, to his shock. yeah, thats right, first drink in munster, mineral water. hey what can i say, i'm cool and different. heh!

After that i bummed around in my room for a while, before he asked us (me pris and yueyiao) whether we would like to go to his church. Of course, i said yes, so we went to the St Agatha's in Angelmodde.

So thats the church. small and nice..and cosy. After which we went back to the house for dinner, which was beef goulash and pasta. did I mention that herr ewering is a fantastic cook? and he actually listens when his wife is talking to him during football. aha. watch out for upcoming posts, featuring the sweetest couple ever, the kuckmanns.

One of the paintings in the house. My personal favourite. The ewerings are a very artistic family, i must say.

the living room. well i know its not upright. sorry!

thats all for now. i'm feeling really sleeping after having a bowl of maggi mee with shredded chicken. i guess thats because it was dinner time in germany. stay tuned!

teaser for next post..
my house for the past 3 weeks. or should i rather say, my schloss? a tour, kaffee and kuchen, and our first unterricht on monday with uwe with the stadt rallye!

once more, through the lawn of daisies

2008-06-07T01:13:00.001-07:00

All semester, I had been looking forward to the immersion. I had been looking forward to the place where I could breathe crisp air in the morning, take long walks through the lawns, and make new friends. I must say, I have not been the least disaapointed. It is my last day in this beautiful city today, and perhaps it would be good of me to take put down in writing, all the beautiful memories that I have fresh in my mind, before they disappear, as beautiful memories are so fond of doing. Dont you think memories are like sand by the beach? They remain for a certain time, and then when the waves come, they get washed away by the torrent, leaving behind only a faint recollection of what was there in the first place. I do not want my memories of this trip to be so, so I have left them here, where they will be safely encrypted in computer megabytes.

If I had to make my own personal list of he best thing about this trip, it would be without question, the friends I have made, that I will keep. I have never enjoyed company as varied and as exciting, where I have felt at home being myself! It is amazing how God works in the lives of people is it not? I have found a best friend, whom i only jokingly termed as such because she was going to appear in newsweek in 20 years time, but who has become dear and a REAL best friend to me.

Now those of you who know me well know that I dont trust people easily, nd my good opinion once lost, is as good as being lost forever. And yet, I have found a friend who I am sure I will keep, to have many coffee sessions together, for a perosn finally who would go to a concert and be able to share in the appreciation of the music, and most importantly, to talk rubbish with. And what can I say of my other friends, especially the 2 who have brought out all my faults, especially in the aspect of household chores, and so i have finally learnt how to do some proper housework and a little bit of cooking. I think I derserve the A plus now dont I? and for the frequent jokes and the wonderful company and the lustig moments. Sometimes, words are just so inadequate are they not? How can mere words reproduce the depth of feeling one feels towards friends of like minded ness? it is good then, that they are like minded, so that even if words are insufficient, we will all know still how wonderful the time spent together have been.

And how can I forget how warm and hospital the host families have been? My host family have been absolutely fantastic, treating me like a real member of their family. cooking chinese food, washing my clothees, making sure i can get home and to school, that i have something to eat. I have enjoyed the wonderful hospitality of the kuckmans, the wetjens, and the rest of the host families where i have had some of the ebst meals in my life, not becuase of only the food, but simply because of the company and the warmth of hospitality. a simple meal with good friends, tastes like heaven compared to a fine meal with poor company. and of course, i have enjoyed practicing my german, and playing the piano for them. i only hope that they they will reap as much joy in music, as i have reaped in playing for them. next year, when i return to german for my exchange, i will definitely come to muenster to visit again. and perhaps buy a whole supermarket of hit points for doris....

last night at the grillabend, i was a little sad that i had to leave muenster. the three short weeks have flown by, and the project was over and done with in a flash. frankly speaking, i kinda liked the bread video we made, and i must say i am quite happy with our project. i had been mentally preparing myself for goodbye, but it is only when i am here typing this, that i have made a commitment to keep the friends i have made, to learn to sometimes breathe fresh air and smell the roses in singapore, and perhaps really come to terms with the fact that first class honours may not be everything to me tha makes me happy. it all depends on ones perspective does it not?

before i say goodbye, there is one thing i must do. I will once more walk through the lawn of daisies, and then I leave, knowing that they will be good times ahead! macht viel spass!

the brady bunch 2008!